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I now have tremendous respect for new parents. It's been just over a week and I haven't had a good nights sleep yet. I've managed to get Scarlett on a schedule during the day but the holidays threw off our night time schedule so sleep has been scarce. The vet and the books I've read all say that it's normal for a puppy this small to wake up to potty two or three times during the night, and that she does. It's to her benefit that she's so cute because, unlike my college days, I'm not happy to see 2 AM. We're working on adjusting her food and water so that she'll hopefully sleep for longer stretches at a time. Say a prayer, and send out the sleep through the night vibes!!!
Welcome Baby Scarlett! Here she is. Our new little bundle of joy. I picked her up on Monday and haven't had a good nights sleep since :) She has been so much fun. I am shocked at how fearless she is. I'm not sure why I assumed she would be more timid, maybe because she's so young and so small...but that hasn't been the case. She's made herself right at home. She's taken over all of Samson's toys (yes, he's even let her play with Lammy), and she's very vocal about wanting to be fed. Samson has been amazingly patient and tolerant. He's even taken to playing with her. Jason came home for the holidays Thursday and immediately called her Lucy. My best friend has a beautiful daughter named Lucy (Happy Early Birthday Lucy!!!) and ever since she was born Jason has named everything Lucy. The Bonzai tree he gave me (sadly I was too inept to keep it alive), a dragon in his video game. I'm surprised he didn't want to name Scarlett Lucy. After the first reminder Jason's been very good about calling her by her name. I can't believe Christmas is finally here. I think I'm going to have to put her under the tree with a bow on her head. Actually I don't think she'd sit sitll for that, but it would make a cute picture. OK...off for our last walk of the evening and then a small prayer before bed that she sleeps through the night!
That's it. School is officially done. I've received my diploma and am ready (supposedly) to begin my new career as a counselor. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!! It's a little daunting, although not as intimidating as going back to school in the first place. The day was a little more emotional than I anticipated. It really felt like the end of a very important time for me. I loved being in school. I love learning, I loved meeting new people and learning about their lives and what motivates them. I loved tackling new subjects and challenging myself. School became a safe place for me and now it's behind me. So begins studying (yes, more studying) for my National Board Exams and applying for my state license. I'm still not positive which state (or states) I will be applying for my license in, but I'll figure that out in time. School was an amazing experience and I'm looking forward to pursuing my Doctorate.....after I take a nice long break :)
Warning, Warning...if details about the female body rude you out read no further. OK, now that that's out of the way let me explain what HSG is. HSG is the abreviation for a fertility test with a name that uses almost all of the letters of our alphabet. In a nut shell, the test will tell you if the fallopian tubes are open or blocked. Basically they numb the cervix (yes, with an injection) and inject dye into the uterus and through the fallopian tubes. Then an Xray will show if there appears to be any blockage in the uterus or tubes. I had the pleasure (kidding) of having this test today. For starters, I HATE medical procedures. I don't mind a yearly physical or the routine dentist appointment, but anything past that and I'm a baby. I spent the past 2 weeks trying to talk myself out of the need for this test but the bottom line is that if I really want a baby (which I do), then there was no avoiding this test.The good news, for any of you who may need to have this done in the future, is that it's not as bad as it sounds. At least it wasn't for me. May I recommend that you have your doctor do the procedure and not a radiologist and have them prescribe a pain killer for you to take prior to the procedure. There was a little cramping and some spoting, but no pain or agony. More discomfort than anything else. And the procedure is short, about 7ish minutes so you're not uncomfortable for long. And really, if the end result is a healthy baby I'd do this everyday. And for the record I didn't feel the injection which is what I feared most.More good news....my tubes are open and all looks well. So now it's my poor husband's turn to walk down fertility test lane. Fortunately for him, his tests are not invasive and are painless. How do men get so lucky????????? So, I can go to sleep tonight very grateful that, at least for now, there does not appear to be any reason that I shouldn't be able to get pregnant.Amen!
In approximately 71 days I will turn 40. 40, the BIG 40. Over the hill 40. What the F*#K?????? Sorry, but the "F" word it totally appropriate here. Old people are 40, I'm not supposed to be 40 yet. I shouldn't be that person that looks at the 20 year olds in the mall and calls them kids. I shouldn't be old enough to have kids in college. Now I'd rather be 40 than be dead, but I'd rather be 30 than 40. So, all that said, I'm afraid it's time I get my act together (again). For those of you have known me for awhile (Ramsey, I know you're the only one who reads this :) you know that my weight has been a life long struggle. I was too thin, I was too fat...kinda like Goldielocks & The Three Bears, "too this", "too that" and never just right. Well, four years ago I experienced some kind of divine intervention and was finally able to restructure my life and lose the weight I wanted to. I was working out an average of 5 days a week and was actually enjoying it. My body fat was in the range of an athlete (I have written documentation or I wouldn't have believed it myself) and I could shop in any store of my choosing. I was happy. I was really happy with myself both inside and out for the first time in my life. Then, for reasons I need not discuss in this blog (just in case Ramsey is not the only one to read this), I gained the weight back. The short version is that I experienced some heavy emotional turmoil and I fell back into my old patterns of using food to comfort myself. Through my counseling studies I discovered that I was a full blown bulimic and while I was able to control part of my bulimia I still struggle with the binging.Now I'm staring 40 in the face and I am beyond unhappy with how I feel. In addition, I had always told myself that if I had not had children by the time I reached 40 I would give up on that dream. I've had a change of heart about children and my husband, Jason, and I are slowing walking down fertility road. In fact, I have a really intimidating procedure tomorrow morning as part of this endevor. Starting December 1st I am going to have to regain control over my life. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to go about that yet, but I have one more day to figure it out. I have marked the date for the Music City 1/2 Marathon on my calendar. April 28th. That gives me 5 months to train. Anyone want to join me? :) If you're not interested in reading about weight loss and fertility I'm afraid you'll be quite bored by my blogs over the next few months. If you know anyone who is struggling with their weight, self-image and/or fertiltiy feel free to give them the link to my blog. Not that I'm going to say anything profound, but I do think it can help to know that others struggle with similar issues.
Here she is...baby Scarlett. 
We get to pick her up on December 18th. We're very excited and hoping that Samson adjusts quickly. Hell, I'm hoping I adjust quickly.
that makes family members lose their minds? As far back as I can remember Thanksgiving has been my mother's favorite holiday. My mother spends days planning her menu and sets a table that rivals anything Martha Stewart's crew can create. My mother loves the holiday and she loves to make it special for her family. Some of her Thanksgiving fever has been passed along to me. It probably has more to do with the holiday being about food than anything, but that's a blog in and of itself. Anyway....my question is what is it about family gatherings that bring out the absolute worst in some people? Here you are, getting ready to spend the day (or at least a few hours) with people you're supposed to love, care about and respect; to gather to eat a meal fit for royalty and some people see this as an opportunity to rail against a captive audience. We live in a world where our fellow American's are being shipped off to war, where some people will never see tables of food like those we've seen, where what we threw away after dinner would feed their family for a week, where people will never be able to sit with their families at dinner because their loved ones have been slaughtered before their eyes, and on a day where we are encouraged to give thanks for our blessings I find myself watching various family members choosing to argue and spew hatred and venom instead of embracing their loved ones and giving genuine thanks for all they have been blessed with. What is it about the holidays?
That seems to be the question of the day, from babies to turkeys the question is fresh or frozen. Jason and I are just beginning our journey down fertility road, where the question has turned to fresh or frozen. And at the grocery store I am trying to figure out which is better, fresh turkey or frozen turkey? Seems that for Jason and I frozen is the way to go for babies and fresh is the way to go for turkey....go figure. I would have thought it to be the other way around.
How cute are these three little ones? One of these little girls is going to join our family come Christmas time and I am beyond excited! Did you know they make play pens for puppies? I had no idea, but I just bought one. I'm hoping that being distracted by a new puppy will get me pregnant. I know...it's sad, but it's true. I made my first visit to the fertility clinic today. It was very overwhelming, partly because I went alone. With Jason working out of town I didn't really have much choice. I was given a daunting amount of information and left utterly confused. The one thing I do remember is that she said I have plenty of eggs, which she said was a good thing. In fact, the Dr. said that I released 2 eggs last month so apparently there really was the possibility for twins. In two weeks I have to go back for another test. I will spare you the details, but the procedure does not seem pleasant, but I've been told that it only takes 15 minutes. I like it when the Dr.'s say only when they're not the ones on the table. But as I told my husband, at this point I would turn myself inside out to have a healthy child. My husband however, would only turn himself inside out for a new car or tickets to a Nebraska football game. Needless to say, I'm not really sure how to get both of us on the baby page. He is excited about the new puppy. Of course I will be the one who is home potty training the little one while he gets a full nights sleep in KS, but I'm thinking about it as practice if we have a real baby. Me up at night, while he sleeps. At this point I'd take it! Once you start the fertility process you begin to marvel at how many people actually do get pregnant. It's amazing to me the very, very small that window of opportunity really is. The only advise I can offer for anyone who wants children is HAVE THEM YOUNG! Don't wait until you travel, don't wait until you have a career, don't wait until you complete your life's to do list. If you really, truly want a child have one as soon as is realistic. I waited and had I known then what I know now I would have reprioritized my goals. Having children was always at the top of my list, yet I put everything else first. Huge mistake. Heed my words young ones. Think of me as the cool mom (OK, semi-cool mom) who you actually will listen to.
Jason surprised me Friday night by taking me to Kansas City for a Cindy Lauper concert. I don't think he fully realizes how romantic I think it is that he remembers something I love and planned an evening around it. Beats a dozen roses any time! And GOD bless him, he kept it a secret. I know it probably almost killed him, in fact, he had a touch of the flu over the weekend. Probably brought on by the stress and strain of keeping a secret.
I leave for Kansas on Wednesday. I can't wait to see Jason. It's been almost 3 weeks but it feels longer. The flight is short (thank GOD) especially since I can't take my "flying medicine"... the lovely little pill that allows me to actually get to the airport, get on the plane and not hyperventilate and freak out the poor person who has to sit next to me. However, the reason I can't take the medicine is because we're trying to start a family, so when the plane takes off I'll try to think about baby names and nursery decorations. In the meantime, Samson (the only baby we currently have) has seen the suitcase come out and is less than happy. Poor thing. He hates it when I pull out a suitcase. And he misses Jason. The tone in my voice must change when I'm on the phone with Jason because Sam will paw at me until I put Jason on speaker phone. Jason, GOD love him, then talks to Sam and Sam rolls around on the phone. It's actually pretty funny...sad, but funny. I'm looking forward to spending some real time in Overland Park. When we went to Kansas the first time (my first time) we spent more time driving to Nebraska for a football game...which we watched in the rain (don't ask...I think I was a very good sport about the whole thing). We also drove past lots of corn fields. They're not called Cornhuskers for nothin'. The campus was beautiful, even in the rain. Jason said he's made big plans for the weekend and a surprise on Friday. I'm excited. I love surprises...OK...good surprises...planned surprises. (Bad surprises would include waking up with a pimple, realizing TIVO didn't record some important reality TV show and stepping on the scale to find you've gained two pounds) Jason's not very good at keeping secrets or keeping surprises a surprise (and that's putting it mildly), so every conversation starts with "Guess what we're doing on Friday?" Honey, I'm not guessing.
had to think about not being able to financally provide for myself until now. My back surgery was successfully performed on May 16th. My doctors were great and my mom came up to provide some at home nursing care. My husband was working out of town at the time so my mom and I were able to spend some great quality time together. Thus far I've been able to receive disability from my employer, however, at my follow up doctor's appointment I found out that in addition to the month I've already been unable to work, I will not be released to work for at least another two months. While I am happy to have a doctor who wants to make sure I have the recovery time I need, I am concerned about having a job to return to when all is said and done. Can I get fired for needing to take disability? Can they stop paying my disability? How much is COBRA insurance? Can I afford it? This is the first time in my life where I wouldn't be able to just go out to get any ole job to pay the bills until the "right" thing comes along. I have not ever been in a situation where I couldn't physically get up and go seek employment. It's given me some fresh insight into those who can't do for themselves. The real heros are those who are wheelchair bound who can't do for themselves, the blind folks who venture outside everyday into a world they can only see thorough sound and touch, the disabled who literally have to depend on others in every aspect of their lives. The thought of this overwhelmes me and has me counting my blessings over and over again.
It looks like I may have escaped the need for back surgery for the last time. This past Thursday I met with a neurosurgeon who said that the problem with my back will not heal itself and that, unless I want to wrestle with this for the rest of my life, surgery is my only option. I may have the opportunity to have a "less invasive" laproscopic surgery, but I won't know about that until I meet with another neurosurgeon on May 10th. Until then I'm laid up in bed wondering what all this means. Here I am in the middle of my internship and "trying" to get pregnant and surgery may mean starting from square one with both. On the other hand I am thanking GOD for my many blessings and praying that I will have a quick recovery.
It's storming here in Nashville. Fortunately the tornados have missed us thus far. Some of the surrounding areas haven't been so lucky. My husband and Samson are napping through the storm, thunder, lightning and all. I'ts amazing, Samson can sleep through a storm, but lord knows if I open the refridgerator or a kitchen cabinet he's right there beside me. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here trying to figure out this whole blog thing, waiting for the power to come back on.
It's past my bed time, but my best friend Ramsey created a blog and now I have to copy her and make one myself....only problem is that she knows what she's doing and I have no clue. So this is my first blog, and it's too late for me to make any real sense. At this point I'm just happy I found the right web site. Maybe I can get more accomplished tomorrow after a decent (cross your fingers) nights sleep.
one of my favorite pictures from our wedding. It was taken after the ceremony, while our reception was taking place. The photographer called us outside to take a final few pictures before she headed out. We were married at a beautiful historical hotel in Nashville called the Union Station. It was an old train depot in it's former life, and someone did a wonderful job renovating it. In fact, they recently renovated the hotel again. Anyway...We were married in the lobby in front of a massive fireplace. The reception was held in a small "ballroom" with the most beautiful arched stained glass windows. We had a very small ceremony, mostly family with very few friends. We were married at 12:30 PM on Saturday, October 30th. My thought was that if we were married near a holiday my husband might not forget our anniversary :) It was only a few hours after the ceremony that this picture was taken, but we were both exhausted. Happy, but tired. I had no idea how emotionally draining the day would be. The day flew by and now I understand why everyone said that we should have the ceremony and reception video taped, because I remember very little about the big day. Fortunately my dad's cousin and my brother caught most of the day on a hand held recorder. We had a company called Hatch Show Print make our invitations. Hatch is the oldest letter press company in the U.S. I couldn't have asked for more incredible invitations. A Village of Flowers did the flower arrangements. Melissa was awesome at taking the center piece idea I had in my head and actually putting it on the table. Jason and I are both freaks about cheesecake and we found a baker who made us a unique wedding/cheesecake. I also found a wedding themed snowglobe (I still collect) to decorate the cake table. I hope our guests had as much fun as we did. We so appreciated those out of town family and friends who were able to travel in to share the weekend with us.
