I hope I'm not jinxing anything....

but Jason and I started IVF. OK...really I started since Jason doesn't have to take any meds. I wasn't going to write about this because I am terrified that I'm going to jinx this, but then I thought about all of the women who battle fertility and thought that maybe I, in some small way, could help or support someone else. Jason and I have done two IUI's with no success. We've been trying for over 2 years, but with Jason working out of town, "trying" has been difficult. Then we ran into problems with Jason's sperm count. Basically they said his volume was low and you need about 10 million sperm for an IUI. You lose about 1/2 of the sample when they thaw the sperm so you either need to have a husband/donar with a high sperm count or you need 2 vials. Because of the meds Jason takes getting any sperm was an issue. Needless to say, this was a big blow to Jason (and me), but it was hard on his ego.

So... at the end of December the clinic started me on the birth control pill. I'm still not real sure why...I think to have more control over my system. They also gave both Jason and I antibiotics to take for 10 days. Mine gave me a bad rash and made me nauseous. Then, about three days after I was done with my pills I started Lupron injections, 20 units every morning. The Lupron is given to give the doctors a "clean slate" to work with. Basically they put you into a menopause of sorts, and tell you that the side effects will be the same as if you were going through menopause. Fortunately I've only had a few hot flashes. My mood swings haven't been too bad (at least I don't think so), but I say a little prayer everyday in hopes that my side effects remain minimal. The Lupron injection sites are under your belly button and across your abdomen, your upper thigh and the back of your upper arms. Since I have to inject myself my stomach was the easiest place to get to. I also thought it would hurt the least. I was terrified to give myself the injections, but the needles are VERY small and I have enough fat (sadly) that when I pinch my skin and jab myself it doesn't really hurt. I also started putting a piece of ice where I'm injecting myself to numb the skin. It does help some. Once a week I go to the clinic for blood work and an ultrasound. The week after I started my Lupron I went for the blood work and ultrasound. At this point I think I could give myself the ultrasound. Anyway, they found a cyst on my right ovary, which of course posed a problem. My suppression level was very high, about 293, and it needs to be around 50 so I was a little panicked. My IVF nurse told me to stick with the 20 units of Lupron and hope that the cyst would shrink.

The next Monday I went in for another blood test and another ultrasound. Fortunately the cyst shrunk to half it's size. YAY! I was told to lower my Lupron to 10 units each morning and 3 days later I was to start taking Estradiol, one pill in the morning and one in the evening. Estradiol is to make the lining of my uterus all cushy for the embryos. I was told that the Estradiol would ease the menopause type symptoms from the Lupron and might make me tired. The bottle warns of headaches, but I haven't really experienced that yet. I've been a little fuzzy and feel like I'm moving in slow motion so I guess it's the Estraidol. This past Monday I went for bloodwork only. My Estradiol level was "good" not really sure what that means exactly and I was told to continue my 10 units of Lupron in the morning and to start taking 4 Estradiol pills a day. This Saturday I'm supposed to start taking 8 Estraidol pills a day. I'm a little nervous about it making me too fuzzy to work, but I'll have to wait to see how my body reacts. Next Monday I go in for another blood test and another ultrasound. If my lining looks good then we schedule the transfer. About days before the transfer I start taking Progesterone injections. These are intramuscular, which means there is a very big needle (18 gadge) that goes into my tush or the back of my thigh. I have to get these everyday. Now, I had to find someone to give me these and fortunately a very nice woman at work said she would help me. If I'm fortunate enough to get pregnant I'll have to continue the Progesterone injections for 10 weeks. In addition to helping the Estradiol make my uterus lining "cushy," the Progesterone helps to avoid miscarriage. Progesterone is often given to women who have miscarried in hopes that they will make it through the first trimester.

Now.... just because my poor cervix hasn't suffered enough, my IVF nurse tells me that they have to "put in a stitch." What the hell is that I asked? Basically they tie a piece of thread to the wall of my cervix so they can pull on it when they thread the catheder into my uterus (please excuse the horrible spelling). So, I have to go in a few days prior to the transfer for this lovely procedure. "You don't have many nerve endings in your cervix," she tells me. I ask if she's had this done, and of course, no. I ask for drugs, which she tells me I "don't need." Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, yea. I need them lady. I need to tell "them" to use some topical numbing stuff before they give me a numbing injection, before they stick a needle and thread in my cervix. What the hell am I doing and is someone really going to tell me that I may not get pregnant after all of this???????????? What the fuck?

I just took my first 2 Estradiol pills together. I thought I'd take the one in the morning, like I have been, and take 2 with dinner in case I pass out or get nauseous. Then I'll take my 4th pill before bed.

Really, the whole process hasn't physically been as horrible as I thought I would be, but I think GOD has smiled upon me and given me a huge break (at least so far). Now, if he/she will give me a break and let me have a baby... a happy, healthy one to be exact... then life as I know it would be good. I'll write more as things happen. Hopefully by the end of February I'll be writing that our pregnancy test was positive and come November we will be having a baby. We will happily accept any positive vibes, prayers and good thoughts anyone wants to send our way.